Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable. When done the right way and with the help of the right tools, it can send you to a different dimension and definitely rock your world. It’s sex. It is supposed to give you the most majestic orgasm you ever had. Unfortunately, it is not the same for everyone.
For sure, you heard one or more hilarious stories of sex gone wrong, whether it’s the little brother crashing into the bedroom during the act or getting caught by security guards while doing it on one of the aisles in Target. Stop whatever you are doing now and get a good laugh for a few minutes. Here are 10 funniest and cringe-worthy sex stories that will surely crack you up.
1. When Allergies Ruin Everything
“I asked one of my girl friends how she and her man spice things up in the bedroom. So she introduced me to her famous vibrator and swore by how amazing it was.
Following her word, I decided to get one for myself. While in bed, I decided to introduce my new toy to the guy I am dating.
Wrong move. I didn’t even bother looking at the type of rubber or plastic used and caused me to break out in hives. I didn’t even try using it first before the act itself.
When I started using the vibrator, it was so itchy down there and worse, I got lumps on the inside of my thighs. Yes, it pretty much ruined the mood and was super embarrassing. Good thing he understood of the situation. Lesson learned: always read the label.” – By the vibrator-sensitive girl.
2. Three’s a Crowd – Or Not
“I was sort of seeing this hot guy for couple of times but never really went out on a date. One night, we were at this bar with other bunch of people for a fun booze night.
I felt really special, since he singled me out from the crowd and bought me tons of drinks. He really seemed so into me so I decided to go with the flow.
So yes, I agreed to go home with him, thinking we’re going to have some action. When I got into his place, I was so stunned to see his wife, lying down in bed and waiting for us to jump into her for some threesome action. Sure, some couples get turned out with that but I felt so sick, I decided to turn right around and left. I never saw the guy since then. It was really embarrassing.” – By the girl who hates married men.
3. Sex Sent Me To The ER
“I was seeing this guy for a month already. Some people tell me not to take advantage of a man with vulnerable feelings since he is a virgin – and 440 pounds at that time. Anyway, I was getting impatient since we never really had sex. I really wanted to take it to the next level so I made the first move by getting in bed with nothing but my underwear. I guess it turned him on so bad, he decided to jump at it and we had sex – for the first time. Well, maybe he got too excited, he accidentally drove my head through the room’s sheet-rock wall – and it shattered.
It was funny though, since he thought he killed me, but I was fine. It was just an awkward trip to the ER while I feel dizzy and nauseous. It turns out that I had a concussion.
We dated for four years after the incident but eventually have to end the relationship. The last time I heard, he lost a lot of pounds, so kudos to him.” – said the girl who never goes near walls.
4. Heart Stopping Sex – Literally
“I will never forget that time when a young couple was brought to the ER. They were having sex in the basement while grandma was out of the house. Since they needed some extra help down there, they decided to go through her well-stocked medicine cabinet and grabbed a tube of what they thought as lubricant.
I guess they were so excited to go at it that they failed to read the label. It turns out that the tube was nitroglycerin paste, a heart drug, which can potentially cause a fatal drop in blood pressure. Grandma came home and she saw the two of them unconscious and naked. After giving them oxygen and fluids, these two turned out fine. And they read the label since then.” – ER nurse on duty.
5. Can’t Seem To Get Off You
“A couple was brought to the ER because the guy was stuck inside the woman’s vagina. It turned out that they were doing a lot of drugs and having wild sex at that time.
While he is inside her, the woman’s vagina cramped up and the dude can’t get his thing off her, causing them to get locked to each other – literally.
The good thing was muscle relaxants saved the day and after a few minutes, he was able to pull it out the woman’s vagina. Sadly, the police officers were waiting and they can’t get away with drug charges.” – By Doctor on Duty.
6. A Really Painful Shower
“Shower sex is one of the favorite things we do. While having sex in the shower, my foot slipped and I went down. Worse, I hit my open mouth against the bath faucet, which knocked out my two front teeth and loosened the others. It was so scary since there was blood everywhere. I managed to get dressed and brought myself to the ER for treatment.
I made up a story and told everyone that I lost my footing while I was in the shower when asked what happened. Since then, my man and I stayed away from shower sex – and I don’t think I ever will.” – said the girl who lost her teeth due to shower sex.
7. Stuck On You
“I was assigned to examine a patient who was complaining of stomach pain. When I came to see her, it turned out she was my high school classmate. Instead of being happy to see me, she was even mortified.
Later on, she confessed that stomach pain is not really her problem, but there is something stuck inside her. She probably couldn’t find her dildo, so said she microwaved a frozen hotdog and used it as a sex toy.
Of course, heating caused the softening of the hot dog and broke off inside her. Thankfully, I managed to remove the hotdog inside. Sadly, I don’t know if she will still look at me in the eye in our next reunion. Talk about an embarrassing situation” – Saved by the classmate.
8. Let’s Play Ball
“This really happened in the emergency room. A couple rushed themselves in the hospital for an emergency.
After much interrogation, we found out that during sex, the woman got hold of a medium-sized rubber ball and inserted it into his man’s back door. Unfortunately, the ball went up so high in his rectum that they couldn’t get it out.
Unfortunately, we couldn’t get it out too so the attending physician called a surgeon to get rid of the ball. While waiting for the surgeon to arrive, the man started to cough.
Maybe there was too much coughing that the ball flew out of his butt and hit the arriving surgeon on the head. At least that saved him from medical bills.” – By I love working in the hospital.
9. Keep The Fires Burning
My man and I were having a romantic night together, complete with dinner, candles, wine, and the works. We left the music and candles on when we started to have sex.
The room was so dark that neither of us noticed that my hair was on fire and burned one section all the way up to the scalp.
Worse, we couldn’t turn off the fire alarm and firefighters were showing up everywhere – all that without our clothes on. So yes, I have to go to the hospital since the smoke burned my scalp and made up a story on what happened. I had to put my hair in a ponytail for weeks so no one will notice.” – By the girl on fire.
10. Stuck On Me
“My college boyfriend and I used lubes that would warm up. I don’t know but there is a different feeling of sensation. Anyway, we were a bit tipsy that night so when he asked where the lube was, I told him it was on my desk. He put it on me very quickly until we realized he got the Superglue by mistake, which was sitting next to the lube, and spread it all over my vagina.
He managed to pull his fingers off but my newly waxed labia were stuck together, it hurts like hell. It was so bad and painful, I had to go to the college hospital and call my mom to console me.” – By I’ll never place glue and-lube together. So, did you have a good laugh?
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